So who is my hero? A hero is described as someone with
exceptional courage and strength. There are a few people who fit this
description but today I would like to focus on the one person that immediately
comes to mind.
My mother.
She is a woman whom I consider quite courageous and has
displayed exceptional resilience.
Let me give you some background. I grew up in Enugu, Nigeria
at a time when being married was a very important status for women. Women
stayed in unhappy or destructive marriages because leaving their marital homes
was considered abhorrent, almost a taboo. Even abused women who left their
husbands were persuaded by their own families to go back and 'grin and bear
it.' Most churches had a 'zero tolerance' policy when it came to divorce.
Against this background, my mother defied the criticisms and
walked away from her unhappy marriage.
My father wasn't an abusive man, at least not in a physical or verbal
way. But he was a man set in his way. He had to be in charge and control
everything. My mother was quite spirited and independent. My father believed
that whatever was hers was his. So her income went to him and he decided what it
would be spent on.
Can you imagine living such a restrictive life? I certainly couldn’t. If my husband tried that, I would tell him to piss off in no uncertain terms.
But my mother lived with my father, at least long enough to bear 5 children
before she had enough and walked out.
Of course, my father didn't make her leaving easy. She
practically had to leave with just the clothes on her back without us the
children. My youngest brother was just a baby. I remember that day very well.
But my mother fought to have the kids with her. I remember going
to family court and standing in front of a magistrate who had to decide who the
kids would stay with. In the end they decided to split the children. The two
older children stayed with my father while the youngest three moved in with my
mother.
Every step was a battle. Fighting to get my father to pay
maintenance. He refused because he said my mother should be responsible for the
children in her care. Despite everything, my mother worked really hard, long
hours, double shifts, even starting a small business on the side to make sure
we had what we needed. At one point, my mother even starting paying the school
fees for my brother and I who were in my father's care at the time.
Now she is retired and enjoying the fruits of her labour. While
some of her friends who stayed in unhappy marriages have long since passed on, some
from heart break or abuse.
So join me in celebrating my mother as my wonderful hero.
What about you? Who is your hero? Leave me a comment. And
visit Joy L Campbell's blog to find out who else is participating.
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